Jacqui

So. You killed Willow. Now, although there have been times where I've wanted to do that myself, you're coming from a completely different perspective - she's one of your favorite characters. What was the genesis of this story?

It's a combination of things, really. I know this may sound odd, but sometimes I get in a really angsty mood and I think "I really need to make a character suffer." In this case, it was Buffy. I was trying to think of something that would really send Buffy over the edge, something that she wouldn't get over in a week. You see that so often in television, something incredibly life changing happens and nothing actually changes. I was listening to the "Boys on the Side" soundtrack, and that has the song "Willow" on it (which I put in the fic) and the idea just clicked. She's Buffy's best friend, she plays a major part in Buffy's support system and I also savoured the thought of killing off one of the show's most likeable characters. You always hear that Buffy is what people want to be, but Willow is who everyone relates to. You're right, too, she is one of my favourites. Originally, the fic was about three little parts long, very short and only had the funeral and a little bit of angst. Then, it didn't seem real, so I stretched it out longer, gave Buffy some more time to recover, gave her some anger and confusion and bitterness. It still wasn't right, though, and I'd gone off on this incredibly idiotic tangent that I had to pull back from, it took away from the seriousness that was the point of the whole fic. So I trimmed it again, made some changes, and there you go. I don't think I'll ever be satisfied, I look at it now and think of countless little changes I'd like to make.

I love Trevor, the ex-fighter whose gym becomes a place of catharsis for Buffy. The scenes where he trains with Buffy are wonderful, especially how they show that this intensive focusing on one thing at a time, one spot on the punching bag, helped Buffy regain some of the focus in her life. Was there any particular inspiration for his character?

Ooh, good question. Actually, he became one of my favourite characters to write for in this. In the original story, he played a much larger role, but it was cut. One of my pet peeves is incidental characters. I mean, if you're going to write someone in, at least give them a personality and some history. In a lot of my fics, if there's a sideline character, you'll notice I add some small details just to freshen that picture in the reader's head. Trevor was a layered character. I can't say that I actually sat down and thought "who should he be?", I just wrote him as I needed him. Of course, there were the questions 'what kind of place would Buffy need to go?', 'what kind of man would run it?' and so on. Which brings us to the way he watches her fight. Once you're trained in something, no matter what it is, you can't help but be analytical of the way others do it, naturally he was drawn to her style of fighting. Something that did affect the way I wrote him is that one of the major factors in Buffy's life, the way in which she relates to it and her slaying, is her relationship with Giles. She needs guidance. Don't get me wrong, Giles relies on her just as much as she does on him. The point is, she is used to that kind of interaction, she doesn't fend well by herself. One of my friends told me that she had a mental picture of Mr. T. when she was reading this.

Giles also plays a major role in this story. How do you view the relationship between Buffy and Giles? I don't mean specifically in a B/G 'shipper sense (although if that's what you see, then that's what I mean) but more in a larger scope-of-the-show sense. How do you see their relationship evolving, and did that play into your story?

It's funny, in the original version, Giles played a much smaller role. It was Angel who reached out to her and drew her home (key the score music, fuzzy lighting, everyone all together 'awww'). Then I was thinking, Angel's a vampire, Buffy just watched Willow get drained by a few. She's not likely to listen to any of their kind any time soon. Which brought me back to Giles. Also, by the time I restructured the fic, I'd gotten a much more favourable view of the Buffy/Giles relationship. Yes, I am a B/G shipper. Most ardently. In fact, I think I've only written about a handful of non-B/G fics, the rest are pure B/G fun. As for the relationship itself, between the two, it's a definite give and take sort of thing. I mean, everyone always says that it's a Father/Daughter thing. Yeah, right! Sure, that may be an aspect of what they have, but so few people see that Buffy oftentimes takes the maternal role with Giles. He is so many things to her: father; friend; tutor; guide; lover; brother, just as she is to him. Without each other, they've lost a great deal.

Now for the standard questions! Who is/are your favorite Buffyverse character(s)? This includes those on Angel as well, although if you hate everyone on that show, you don't have to include anyone *grin*.

Well, I love Giles (no surprises there), but one of my all time favourites is Faith. The angst potential there is great. I know a lot of people love to hate her, but I can't help but feel sorry for her. In all my fics she's been the good one. Well, except for the ones where I killed her off. Faith makes for some good angst killing. (I sound completely sociopathic, don't I?)

What inspires you to write, in a general sense? Any songs, stories, scarves that you look at and go "That is *so* Buffy"?

I know this sounds trite, but I get inspiration from everywhere. A song lyric, a scene in a movie, a book... anything. I am nothing, if not a great appropriator.

Are there any particular routines that you follow? And, do you write anything outside of fanfiction?

Routines? No... I'm one of those people you see on the train with a notebook and a pen, scribbling away, I take them with me everywhere, because I get ideas at the strangest of times. I once wrote this story which was a heavy piece of smut, really, and I actually wrote it on the train in peak hour, surrounded by strangers. It was an odd experience, to say the least. It depends what mood I'm in. Sometimes I like to write strictly pen to paper and then others I type directly into the computer. I've been working on a novel for a while, at least I *was* working on it. It's gotten pushed back behind anything and everything, I've been thinking about rehashing it.

What CD is in your stereo right now? What book is on your nightstand?

Ooh, it's a mood thing. It really is, but luckily I have a five player CD, so I have in my player right now... Sarah McLaclan "Surfacing", VAST, Shivaree "I Oughtta Give You A Shot In The Head For Making Me Live In This Dump" (I swear, that's what it's called!), Stone Temple Pilots "No. 4" and The Police "The Best of Sting and the Police".

Bookwise? I'm never without a book, either. I'm one of those people who has four or five books going at one time. At the moment I'm reading "Hannibal" (I just finished reading "Red Dragon" and "Silence of the Lambs") by Thomas Harris, "Belinda" by Anne Rice (by far her best novel), "The God of Small Things" by Arundhati Roy and "Fortune's Rocks" by Anita Shrieve.

(Hmm, as you can tell by "Belinda" and "Fortune's Rocks" I have a theme going).

And finally, what are your favorite fanfic authors and stories?

You want me to name just one? Or even just a few? That's hard. I'd have to say Robin Nance as a writer (she hasn't written for Buffy yet, but she's written some great stuff). The obligatory Kris Walberg with the Transformations Trilogy, I mean, who hasn't read it and loved it? Anybody who has ever received feedback from me. It's widely known that I'm a feedback slut, I'll do anything for it, but I rarely give it. So, if I've ever written to you, it's because I've loved your fic.

Much of Jacqui's fanfiction is stored on The Buffy/Giles Fanfiction Archive.